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Many sources will offer to you “tips” on how to offer emotional support to a loved one. I want to offer some experiential insights, the things I’ve learned in relating with my Olyechka (see about us) that underlie those sources and perhaps add to what you can find elsewhere online.
Our general approach is to go beyond words, feelings and thoughts and drop down into the actual love we have for each other, which changes our behaviors from “how tos” – tactics – to authentic, conscious being together. We are not trying to remember and execute a series of steps that will get us to a pre-conceived conclusion, instead raw and open, available to be hurt and hurt, we engage without trying to control how we feel or where it might go. This willingness to feel what we feel and not avoid feelings that are “bad” is an intentional and conscious choice.
In my “past life” 
I considered myself charming, charismatic and smarter than the average bear, so I learned and practiced manipulating people to get my way. It was effective but not actually satisfying because neither my real self nor theirs was involved in the exchange. It was my persona doing Aikido on theirs.
When I met Olga and instantly loved her, I didn’t immediately notice the black belt. She’s impossible to manipulate, fiercely independent, aggressively assertive, and ruthlessly insistent about her conclusions. Our disagreements were epic. I barely passed the emotional test of not being able to get the responses and reactions I’d always been able to manufacture. Loving her as I do, I was faced with running or changing. I chose to stay and thank goodness I did. Today, because I actually love rather than try to love, my support for her usually is calm, patient, relaxed, and about what’s important to her, even if it’s not what I want or necessarily think is “right.”
On the other hand because I actually know she loves me, I’m able to receive her support even though she gives it using an emotional palette I would never choose and often in a tone that would have in the past felt wounding and insensitive.
This for me is about unconditional love, self-responsibility and adulthood. As a child I needed to be held, cuddled and comforted when my feelings were hurt. As an adult I need clarity, advice that will get results, and to hear the truth.
There are hours of cuddling in our life together but not as a way to emotionally sooth one another (we are responsible for our own feelings and emotions) or solve issues.
How Olyechka delivers her love is about her, how I receive it is my responsibility and is based on feeling unconditional love to keep me open and not rejecting her support if it doesn’t come wrapped in the way I imagined it would or should.
Two final things: During our time together I’ve realized the degree to which I led my life believing my thoughts and feelings were true. I now understand almost all my thoughts are some form of programming from my life experiences and most are ways I tried to convince myself that I’m right. My feelings are caused most of the time by my belief in these illusory thoughts, and letting emotions rule me added to my suffering and had me walking around in a kind of nightmare of illusion and imagination.
Second, instead of trying to be right, I consider each moment an opportunity to choose what will actually make me happy. Not what I should do or not something designed to protect my thinking or feelings, but a clear-eyed present moment acceptance of what’s actually happening and assessment of what would be the ideal behavior to produce real happiness for everyone involved. After all, having support when times are tough is one of the best things about being in relationship. Staying awake to that rational, wise way of being is not easy in the powerfully emotional world of relationship, so know we’re here to help as you practice and we’ll listen when you’ve acted as though it’s more important to be right and need a good ear and heart to support you emotionally while you’re sleeping on the couch. 😉
To explore this subject further in relation to your life, to deepen your spiritual understanding, improve self-acceptance and better relate to your partner, to deepen your love and family relationships, or to get business advise, request your free coaching session.
Also… Many couples are afraid to run a business together, for fear they’ll find themselves in in the midst of power struggles and arguments.
See this video Olga has produced for you on How to Eliminate Conflict In Relationships & Business Partnerships by Focusing on Data.
